2:29 p.m. - 2007-09-15
Procrastination banned
Still sick but unfortunately, as the exams are breathing down my neck, I'm not given any free days to just laze on the couch watching Discovery channel where Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters are blowing up random stuff, or possibly watching Nat Geo Wild (or something), how some hot guy tries to survive in the wilderness without any equipment, food, water or anything. The last time I saw him catch a salmon with a stick (a stick!!) and eat it raw. Just like that. How many people can do that? Did I mention he's really good-looking too? Even if he had spent the last two weeks running around Alaska and swimming in the icy cold water after having sinked an abandoned boat he found somewhere (finders keepers). I don't know, at least it beats cramming for exams..
I have yet again come to the solution that my youngest big brother is a jerk and I really shouldn't pay any attention to what he's saying about me or stuff that I do. I'm getting good at it but unfortunately it pisses him off when I just stay quiet and don't answer to him. I can't wait for Wednesday, that's when my middle brother finally comes. Though on the other hand, before he comes I've had already THREE mid-term exams. It sucks that first I have to pass the first one, then IF I pass, I can do the second one, and if I pass that one, then I can try the third one. If people up there love me or a miracle happens or aliens steal the body of the petrography assistant, I'll pass all three mid-term exams and can try my luck with the exam. It's unfair that the exam is actually the easiest part because we don't have to write anything, just choose A, B or C. I mean, there's the 33% chance of getting it right and you could pass without really knowing anything. But it helps if you study a bit.
Anywho. I took a career quiz yesterday, which was pretty interesting. You should go to http://www.careercruising.com/ and log on (username: nycareers, password: landmark) and take the test. Really. I like my results, though there's something that I don't understand - what's with all the computer stuff? I'm not good with computers! I mean, I'm better than my brother (for starters, the poor boy doesn't even know how to google stuff efficiently) and I know basic html (you have to with these diaries) but if compared with someone who really knows all that.. stuff about computers, I'm a total idiot. I have bad karma with any electronical stuff. Sometimes it feels like I just have to look at this computer and it crashes. My solution to this kind of situation is either A) press ctrl+alt+del OR B) pull the plug. See? I probably wouldn't make a good webmaster or a computer programmer. I like to learn stuff about computers but it's just so hard when they don't seem to like me the least bit. Sigh. Anyway, most of these professions are something that would be nice to try out.
1. Website Designer (my #1 career choice, how ironic)
2. Desktop Publisher
3. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator (so far I've been told by two art professors that my style is too "cartoony", but I think it's a compliment - they probably don't)
4. Interior Designer
5. Animator
6. Multimedia Developer
7. Planner (I make really good plans (like, concerning studying and exams), I just never act them out)
8. Computer Animator
9. Communications Specialist
10. Market Research Analyst
11. Print Journalist
12. Graphic Designer
13. Artist (I'd probably be a poor artist whose work wouldn't be appreciated even after my death)
14. Exhibit Designer
15. Translator
16. Writer (I decided I wanted to be a writer when I was 7 but gave up the idea when I realized that very few people make their living just by writing books)
17. Critic (I'd always praise everything because I'd be too afraid to say anything bad and maybe hurting people's feelings that way)
18. Medical Illustrator
19. Technical Writer
20. Industrial Designer
21. Public Relations Specialist (Ooh, fancy. Or then not, I'd never fit in.)
22. Political Aide
23. Activist (haha, this was topical maybe 5 years ago)
24. Public Policy Analyst
25. Fashion Designer
26. Video Game Developer
27. Webmaster
28. Potter
29. Craftsperson
30. Professor
31. Clergy
32. Psychologist (but first I'd have to solve all my personal problems)
33. Sport Psychology Consultant ('sport' must be here by mistake)
34. Humanitarian Aid Worker (I actually considered this a couple of years ago)
35. Editor
36. Computer Programmer
37. Computer Trainer ("Now listen to me guys, this is how to crash a computer in less than 30 seconds." Yeah right.)
38. Adoption Counselor (boring? though important)
39. Computer Network Specialist
40. Medical Secretary
Landscape architecture isn't on the list. But it's sort of creative and you need some artistic skill to do it, so I think it might as well be on the list, alongside with interior designer and so on. I did the right choice when it comes to the career. What I don't know (still) is did I make the right choice about the place I study at.
9:28 p.m. - 2007-09-13
Being sick is wonderful
A lot has happened but I'm not in the right condition to tell you the very detailed version of it, and I'm sure it's not even that interesting. So, to cut the long story short, I went to uni on Monday, waited there for 2 hours without any results, had to cancel my maths lesson, didn't go to the mid-term exam on Tuesday because I couldn't find the petrography assistant on Monday (his fault) so that I could put my name on the list, got sick on Tuesday, studied like hell all Wednesday (while still being sick), then today (on Thursday, that is) I had the ecoclimatology exam (while still being sick) and failed. Had I answered one more question right, I would've passed. I refuse to be disappointed or pissed off or let it affect me in any way because if I did, I'd break down completely. I don't care. It's just an exam. I'll pass it the next time, I'm sure about it.
I don't like being sick. I can't breathe and I look like shit - for real, this isn't just useless complaining. The dark circles around my eyes are approximately the size of Africa, and I'm more tired than ever, if it's possible. Plus I can't breathe and I sound like a chain smoking chipmunk - be free to use your imagination. Isn't being sick wonderful? The only good thing is that I seem to have lost my appetite, and that's not bad at all.
I have 3 mid-term exams next week plus one exam, they're all about petrography. I don't believe I'll pass all the mid-term exams (which you have to pass if you want to take the exam) but it's always worth a try. And no one can't say that I didn't try.
Something to listen to:
Simon & Garfunkel
11:12 p.m. - 2007-09-09
Shit happens (mostly to me, so don't worry)
I just realized that it's 23:12 and I haven't washed my hair and I haven't studied petrography nearly as much as I should have, and the mid-term exam is on Tuesday. If I pass it, I'll have the next mid-term exam on Wednesday (recognizing dumb rocks that all look the same grey) and then on Thursday I have that ecoclimatology exam. I was supposed to have it on the next Thursday, not now, but it didn't fit with my other exams so I have to do it now, and I kinda know that I won't pass. I have chills running down my spine even when I think of next week. Plus I've got something on my heart, and it doesn't relieve my stress at all. Not the least bit. Gah. I want to go to sleep and wake up when it's Christmas.
I have to remember to do three things tomorrow at the uni, and I have about an hour to do them all before I have to hurry to yet another maths lesson. I had some trouble with my homework which doesn't make me feel any better, either. It's like all bad things happen at once, you know? Everything goes silky smooth for a couple of weeks and then bang, you're covered with shit. But hey, that's just me.
Right now even my three blankets don't comfort me. BUT, if I have to find something positive in my life at the moment, I'd have to say that I finally found out how L makes her lashes look so damn thick (about 1 mm each (yeah, I've been staring at her lashes for the past year)). Here are the instructions:
1. Curl lashes.
2. Add primer to lashes.
3. Add some more primer.
4. A bit more.
5. Now the first layer of mascara.
6. Second layer.
7. Third layer.
I bet it takes her about an hour to get ready every morning, because she always has loads of make-up. She's beautiful, meaning that she doesn't look tacky or anything, but I've never ever seen her without make-up, or at least with less of it. I wonder what she really looks like and if I'd recognize her when she's au naturel.. And my brother complains that I use too much make-up! Or at least he used to do so. Now I don't bother to beautify myself when I go to the minimarket or take Mini for a walk. Actually, almost all this time here (when I've been at home) I've been sporting an almost straight-out-of-bed look that is supposed to look good on some people but apparently not me. But I don't care, as long as people stay on the same side of the street when they see me.
1:44 p.m. - 2007-09-08
Yada yada
My middle brother is coming here on the 19th of September, though the renovation of my granny's house won't be ready when he comes. He'll have to sleep here either on the crappy couch or on the floor. I'm not sure which one I'd choose, because the couch really is craptaculous. I wonder what he feels like? He's been wanting to move here for ages, and he was a bit jealous when our parents allowed me to come here but not him. I would've been jealous, too. He knows Serbian better than me, so he'll have less problems but he'll need to work hard if he wants to succeed. So should I but my university isn't exactly the, err.. the best in Belgrade, if you know what I mean, so if you want to succeed there, you don't need to work THAT hard (as at my brother's uni).
I don't remember when was the last time I bought a book that isn't chick lit. My maths instructor called me yesterday and asked me to come later but as I was already on my way, I decided to pay a visit to my favourite bookstore. I can never leave a bookstore without buying something, and this time that something happened to be Sarah Duncan's 'The Birth of Venus' which is definitely not chick lit. It sounds really good but I've told myself not to read it until my exams are over. I have to hide it somewhere so I won't remember that I own it.
A couple of days ago I talked with one girl at the uni who said that she's lost 20 kilos just recently, and I have to say that it shows. During the last week she had lost 3 kilos (!) by eating only meat and vegetables that contain starch. That's just amazing! I think I might give it a try one day, I mean the starchy vegetables. I don't always think that I look that bad when I look in the mirror, but the numbers on the scale.. they make me feel like a loser. And I know I could easily weigh 10 kilos less. Guess how much it annoys me. I don't want to be sickly thin like Keira Knightley, Renee Zellweger or Angelina Jolie (who weighs about 43 kilos, what the hell), I just want to feel good. I think Zellweger looked so much better when she acted in the Bridget Jones movies. I've never liked Angelina Jolie that much, she's not that beautiful for some reason (and her lips are way too puffy).
Listening to Beyonc�'s first album makes me feel so 2003. I wonder how many things would be different now if I had done things differently then. Maybe I'd be thinner but I'd most likely live here anyway. I feel somehow melancholic, and the weather isn't doing anything to make me happier. It looks like it's going to rain any minute and it's still cold as hell. I had to sleep with three blankets last night, and for the first time during this mini ice age I was warm during the night. Three blankets! It's crazy. And I'm still tired.
I think I'll take a nap or something.
9:30 a.m. - 2007-09-07
Gah
I feel a bit crappy right now. Not emotionally but physically. All of a sudden the temperature dropped from +30 to +13 and it's fucking cold, and I think I might be sick in the near future. I'm cold all the time, my eyes are a bit red which makes me look like I'd be bursting in tears (which I'm not, however) and my nose is running. I mean it's running more than usually, because my nose is slightly running all year round, that's why the "pipes" that go from my nose to right ear are a bit blocked and I don't hear really high sounds with my right ear. I was supposed to get medication for this on last year's summer but money was a bit tight back then (and now, too) and I just forgot it. I tend to forget a lot of things.
Anyway, I hope I'm not going to be sick because I have my damn exams right now. I remember how I was sick when we had our matriculation exams, and I was so pumped up with painkillers that I actually thought that my biology exam went well. Later it came out that I was lucky just to pass it. And these exams are more important than those matriculation exams because my whole next year depends on these exams. I try not to think about it too much, it just makes me scared as hell.
I wish they'd turn the heat on, it's cold even inside the flat. I need two blankets when I sleep and my feet are still cold. Plus I feel sleepy all the time and unlike before, I don't find it hard at all to fall asleep in the middle of the day, even if I had slept 8 hours during the night.
I just want these stupid exams to be over. I wouldn't say no to a vacation in some warm place, either. Preferably with palm trees, white sandy beaches and cool drinks.
1:35 p.m. - 2007-09-04
Hurrah
It must be my lucky day because I passed the ecoclimatology mid-term exam. The reasons might be such as
1) the stars are on my side
2) God loves me
3) every rule has an exception or whatever,
but I passed goddammit! The exam is in two weeks. And the mean bitchy assistant who said that I can't speak Serbian lovely young female assistant actually smiled at me. You know, not just her mouth but her eyes too. I wonder what I've done to deserve this?
And you'll never believe this, but after asking around, I actually seem to be one of the students (super intelligent people not included) that has the most ESTC points! OR it might just happen that I hang out with dumb people, but I seriously doubt it. I think it's amazing. Even this slightly geeky girl (she's nice, so I don't mean anything bad by saying that she's geeky, she just seems like a person who studies her ass off on weekends and on weekdays, and maybe some more too) has passed only three exams out of 11. And I've passed 5. That's not much either but I'm the Finnish girl, remember? No hablo serbio. Anyway, it's taken me some time to adjust my mind to this.. Serbian system. Actually I still haven't succeeded in it but I might. If I manage to pass my exams and enrol the second year, then I have adjusted my mind and I can be proud of myself.
I'm hungry but we only have Pepsi Max (but I personally like diet coke better), bread (and some ajvar to go with it) and popsicles that taste like something very very artificial. Gah. Need food. Something else than sodas or bread or sucky popsicles. Something real. I'm off to forage the fridge, I remember seeing eggs there..
12:19 a.m. - 2007-09-04
Pushing on my buttons
I've been a bit "meh" lately. Or actually I should say "gah". I've just been studying, studying aaand.. reading some Terry Pratchett and procrastinating on the internet. But I've been doing more studying. Anyway, tomorrow, or actually today since it's already past midnight, is my first mid-term exam. Ecoclimatology. Me = terrified, but I know one of my friends is there too so I have someone to cry to about how unsuccessful my exam will be and how we'll all die and the world will stop spinning and the sun will stop shining, and did I say we'll all die?
Me and maths are doing pretty good. I can handle asymptotes now almost perfectly, which I never believed I could do. On the other hand, me and petrography haven't been doing so well lately. I'm going to be in serious shit next week if I don't start revising minerals tomorrow.
I have come to the solution that what comes to my looks and weight, things can't be that bad because today someone slapped me on my thigh when I walked by, and a few days ago I counted three occasions when someone shouted something after me (something that was supposed to be nice). I don't understand why this is happening and I don't even like it that much (the slapping thing is my least favourite because you just don't go around TOUCHING other people), but I guess it's like with other things - if lots of people like it, it can't be that bad. Right? I just wish I could learn to like it too. But then again, I used to hate skinny jeans, skirts and diet coke, and now I couldn't live without them. Diet coke is actually better than the original one!
I just arranged my dad's photos from his camera to this computer, and I found a couple of good photos from Valjevo (me, Marina and Tinkku are in them) and one from Budapest's airport, but Marina has my dad's shirt on in one of the Valjevo photos. We were at the monastery there, and her cleavage was too wide so she had to borrow my dad's shirt and put on jeans instead of her skirt. I had to change clothes too, but at least I had girls' clothes on. Anyway, she'd kill me if I published any of those photos without her permission. Which is kinda sad, because I don't look that bad.
I'll go through some ecoclimatology stuff before taking a quick shower and then go to sleep. I need to be fresh tomorrow morning. I need to pass that damn mid-term exam!
