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6:50 p.m. - 2007-07-20 I also bought these really classy black ankle boots with a 6 cm heel! They were on sale (real price 93 euros, on sale 65e) and I decided to buy them because there was only one pair left of my size and.. you know, it was kinda like destiny. And they're quite comfortable even if the heel isn't the sturdiest. And who cares if my feet get tired, at least they'll look good! Then I bought a grey and purple striped hoodie with a zipper and grey eyeshadow. That's pretty much it. Though I did return those brown flats that I bought the other day from DinSko, because even if they looked really pretty, they didn't feel so good after all, AND they were plastic. So basically I paid only 30 euros for my ankle boots! I'm not that dumb after all when it comes to maths, am I? The only bad thing about the new bras is that no one will see them except me. Something to listen to: 12:45 p.m. - 2007-07-19 I think I might wash my hair and then study some petrography. Uh. Why can't it be more interesting? Maybe I could go for a long-ish walk with Mini afterwards. Or just go downtown with him. And with Marina? I should go to Kela too to sort out some stuff concerning the study grants I get from Finland, because if I don't do it, then I won't get any money next year and that'd be bad. I hate stuff like that, why can't things be sorted out by themselves? At least I'm getting my new Visa Electron tomorrow or in the beginning of next week. AND if I have cash on my account (I'm not exactly sure, eh), I'm so going shopping! Things aren't that bad after all, are they? 7:51 p.m. - 2007-07-18 Anyway, I was supposed to go to Vilja's because I had forgotten my keys home but then it was so early and I was feeling more than just a little sick, so I decided to go home (which turned out to be a very good decision indeed, just read on). I went to Maunula by bus and was frustrated because the next bus home was supposed to come in 20 minutes, so I tried walking home but my shoes weren't exactly co-operating and it was raining, so I just walked to the next bus stop where some man tried to have a conversation with me but I wasn't exactly feeling social, if you know what I mean. When I got home Marina was still awake and we talked for a few moments before going to sleep. I pretty much just falled in my bed and woke up at 8 a.m. You know how at first you think everything's alright but then the hungover feeling hits you like a dull hammer in the head, several times? Yeah, it happened to me too, again. I threw up twice (my stomach was too empty, otherwise I would've spent all morning bent over the toilet) and it wasn't pretty at all. The only good thing about it is that my hair was already tied up so I didn't need anyone to hold it for me. I just don't understand why I can't drink less! I mean, back in 2004 I used to think I was never going to drink alcohol, I didn't even like the taste of it. I don't like being hungover and I DON'T like throwing up, there's no glamour and style in that, so I don't understand how easily I forget the bad side effects of alcohol. I'm just glad that I was feeling pretty okay by the time Heidi got here today! We talked a lot, a bit of the BBs and about Heidi's entrance exams and Serbia. He hasn't contacted me and I don't know what to think of it. I actually don't like thinking about it because it gives me false hope of ever being friends with him, but.. you know. And I know that Ethan is right and everything because he's so smart and so on, but there are moments when things feel and are different. It's so complicated and so simple at the same time, and I can't even talk normally about it. Hm. I think I'll watch Ruudolf and Karri Koira's Mr. Universum music video for one more time, it never fails to cheer me up. 5:27 p.m. - 2007-07-16 Iiris, Vilja and me are having a girls' night tomorrow, only we don't know where and I don't know what to wear. I'm going downtown with Oona in the afternoon so maybe I'll find some nice dress or something. You know what they say, always stay optimistic. My mum just told me that last week our old family friend's 30-year-old daughter was murdered with a hammer in the cellar of her house by her 60-year-old Greek husband, and now their two daughters, aged 3 and 6, are left without a mother. That's just so sick that.. that I don't really know what to feel. If I wanted to be funny, I'd probably say that since I have slim chances of ever getting married, I don't have anything to worry about, but for some reasons joking about something like this just doesn't feel right. You know, stuff like this makes me feel so hopeless. This world we live in is so.. I don't know, people don't care about things or other people anymore. Everyone cares just about themselves, as long as your own ass is saved then everything's OK. It doesn't matter if you hurt people when trying to reach your goals, who cares? Who gives a shit about other people as long as you're happy. And then people want to have kids and they should grow up in this sick world. 10:44 p.m. - 2007-07-14 My middle brother moved out yesterday and I'm going to sleep in his old room for the rest of my visit, after I've changed the sheets of course. Ah, the privacy! And all that space! If there's anything that's better in Serbia than in Finland, then it's definitely a place that I can call my own, my own space, my 4 m2 room. Soon I'll have 50 m2 of my own space in Serbia, but I don't think even that will compensate all the bad things. I wonder if Heidi has yet returned from her paddling trip thingy? 6:38 p.m. - 2007-07-13 We went to the vet yesterday and he was microchipped. He also got two vaccinations, and he was so hurt afterwards that he couldn't walk. Of course he was just faking it because as soon as the vet put him down on the floor, he started running around. It was so effing expensive, we had to pay 112 euros for two vaccinations and a microchip! Mini's so cute that he should get everything free. I'm off to get ready for tonight's movie, me and Marina will meet Vilja at Tennari at 19:45. I hope the movie is good. 4:52 p.m. - 2007-07-12 Tomorrow I'm going to the movies with Vilja and Marina to see the newest Harry Potter movie. I hope I can push away the image of naked Daniel Radcliffe away from my mind by tomorrow. Okay, he could look worse but he's Harry Potter! He's not supposed to prance around on the stage without any clothes, he's supposed to be the good wizard boy, a bit weird but still good. I wonder how his mum feels about his naked photos. Hmm. Now I'm actually a bit bored. What to do, what to do? 11:59 p.m. - 2007-07-10 Me k�ytiin t�n��n Minusculan kanssa pankissa ja Sokoksella, se raukka parka oli ihan poikki sen reissun j�lkeen. Jos ei vastaantulijat kysyneet rotua ja ik�� ja heti per��n henk�illeet, ett� "voi EI miten ihana se onkaan!", niin sitten ne hymyili itsekseen sen n�hdess��n. En ihmettele, on se sellainen syd�ntenmurskaaja. Pankissakin virkailijat ihasteli ja silitti sit� kilpaa, unohtamatta asiaankuuluvia edell�mainittuja henk�yksi�. Sokoksella jouduin kantamaan Mini� koko ajan syliss�, koska se ei ole viel� sis�siisti ja jos olisin laskenut sen lattialle, se olisi tehnyt l�t�k�n siihen paikkaan. Uloshan ei miss��n tapauksessa saa tehd� asioita, koska sit�h�n varten on paperit lattialla! Pit�� pid�tt�� kaikkien mahdollisten lenkkien ajan ja sitten kun tullaan kotiin niin juostaan paperille jalat ristiss�. Jos ei se pieni ulkomaalaispoika olisi onnessaan hy�k�nnyt Minin kimppuun ja silitt�nyt sit� 3-vuotiaan tarmolla, Mini ei v�ltt�m�tt� olisi p��st�nyt ilopissoja siihen Sokoksen eteen. Kun hanat oli kerran avattu, niit� ei niin vaan sitten suljetukaan, vaan ulos valui kaikki mit� Mini raukka oli vaivalla pid�tt�nyt koko matkan ajan! Kuvitelkaapa sit� turhautumista ja ep�onnistumisen tunnetta. Niin siis, syy miksi min� ja �iti mentiin Sokokselle oli rikkin�inen hiustensuoristin. Se toimi t�ydellisesti ellei jopa paremminkin siihen asti kunnes lainattiin sit� serkuillemme Belgradissa. Mulla on omat ep�ilykseni sen hajoamisen syyst�, mutta koska en ala syyttelem��n ket��n, niin.. tehk�� omat p��telm�nne. Kaikista huipuinta on se ett� saatiin uudempi ja parempi tilalle ja kun ostettiin viel� toinen (mulle, vien sen Belgradiin) niin saatiin siit� ostohyvityst�. Ihan mahtavaa, ei en�� huonoja hiusp�ivi�! Ette arvaa miten m� k�rsin t��ll� ilman suoristinta, jouduin jopa tapaamaan Oonan lauantaina hiukset kiinni korkealla ponnarissa ja otsis yl�s nostettuna. Ihmiset ei ehk� ymm�rr�, mutta m� en n�ytt�ydy julkisuudessa hiukset kiinni muuten kuin ERITT�IN vakavassa tilanteessa, mik� k�sitt�� siis ne p�iv�t jolloin hiukset on huonosti ja suoristin ei toimi ja on muutenkin v�h�n karsea tilanne meneill��n. Eli siis hyvin harvoin. Johtuu varmaan lapsuusajan traumoista, ehk� siit� kun �iti repi hiuksia niit� letitt�ess��n just ennen sellokonsertteja ja vannoi ett� "me ei sitten en�� IKIN� l�hdet� minnek��n konsertteihin kun t�� l�ht� on AINA niin helvetin vaikeaa!". Plus m� n�yt�n kaljulta pikkupojalta kun hiukset on kiinni, eli siis hiukset on todellakin paremmat auki. Hiuksista puheen ollen, en oikein tied� ett� v�rj��nk� niit� ollenkaan. En v�ltt�m�tt�, se arveluttaa niin paljon. M� en jaksa juurikasvuja, kaikkea sit� stressaamista ett� eih�n ne v�rit huuhtoudu pois suihkussa, onhan vesi tarpeeksi haaleaa, onhan n�� v�rj�ttyjen hiusten hoitoaineet ja shampoot ja syv�hoidot tarpeeksi laadukkaita, mit� jos syssin koko v�rj�ysoperaation ja musta tulee wannabe-hevarin n�k�inen, JA mit� jos mun hiukset menee huonompaan kuntoon v�rj��misen takia? Hm, kamalaa soutamista ja huopaamista.. Pit�is varmaan leikata polkkatukka ett� saisi ton auringossa palaneen v�rj�tyn ja kuivan osan pois ja sitten sen j�lkeen v�rj�t� tummemmaksi, mutta m� haluan kasvattaa hiukset pitkiksi taas. Ne on nyt melkein yli olkap�iden eli hyv�ll� tiell� ollaan! Ehk� uuteen vuoteen menness� ne on oikean mittaiset? Huomenna menn��n Iiriksen ja Viljan kanssa katsomaan Ocean's 13 Tennariin, tosin tapaan Iiriksen v�h�n ennen sit�, ja sitten illalla olis tarkoitus menn� Oonan kanssa ulkoilemaan. To menn��n laitattamaan Minusculalle se siru ja kakkosrokotukset, ja pe meen Viljan kanssa katsomaan uusimman Harry Potterin ensi-iltaan, kun Viljalla on ilmaiset liput ja m� haluan muutenkin n�hd� sen, se kuulostaa hyv�lt�. Mua kyll� arveluttaa ett� mink�lainen huomisillasta tulee kun keho ei ole kest�nyt alkoholia kovin hyvin viime aikoina. Kun Iiris ja Vilja oli Belgradissa ja vedettiin ekana p�iv�n� kaksi drinkki� jossain katukahviloissa, se tuntui ihan kuin kymmenelt� drinkilt�. Ei hyv�. Vierailun loppua kohti onnistuin venytt�m��n m��r�n nelj��n, mutta silti.. Ehk� m� otan huomenna v�h�n rauhallisemmin, vaikka silloin kyll� on v�h�n tylsemp��. Ei ole kivaa olla ainut selv� kun kaikki ymp�rill� on ihan sekaisin. Arvatkaas muuten mit� - tasan kuukauden p��st� t�yt�n 20! 7:29 a.m. - 2007-07-09 Yeah, I'm not a morning person. So far I've been to Valtteri's fleamarket with Heidi and her boyfriend, Heikki, and then I've been shopping twice with Oona, though the second time we went shopping we also made salad at Oona's and had coffee at Wayne's, only instead of coffee I had this over-priced fruitie that made me miss Serbian cafes' prices. Welcome back to Finland. So far I've bought only one long shirt/dress (I can't quite decide which one it is because I could use it as an extra long shirt, but on the other hand it'd look pretty good just like that, too. I have no idea what I'm going to do today but I'm pretty sure I'll find out sooner or later. 12:19 a.m. - 2007-07-09 When the sun shines, we�ll shine together Feels good to be back in Finland! I'm too tired to say anything smart, really, so I think I'm going to bed. And the best thing is that my bed won't be empty since Mini's there. Like I said, it feels good to be back. I'll tell you more maybe tomorrow when I have more time or something. 4:00 p.m. - 2007-07-05 Today I bought, or my parents bought me, two pretty bracelets. My only worry is that they make my wrists look fat, but they really are pretty so I think that just this one time I won't worry about looking fat. They're like copies of old Serbian jewelry, though they also remind me of Kalevala jewelry. Lately I've been feeling a bit weird, and I don't mean only emotionally but also physically. I start feeling sick after eating meat, and it's kinda worrying. Even tuna turns my stomach upside down! Today I almost threw up because of it, and last night, after we'd been to a restaurant with my brother's friend M and his parents, the chicken I ate made me feel kinda "eurgh". I can't even eat a pljeskavica without feeling ill! What's happening to me? My sister was horrified when I told her about this because she loves meat. I thought I loved it too, but right now I don't even want to think about eating meat. AND we're going to Bane's tonight, and they always grill a huge pile of meat when we go to their place. I know that this isn't just some normal stomach ache because this has been going on for quite a long time. Sometimes the nausea starts while I'm eating the meat and sometimes afterwards, it varies. Maybe this nausea thing has something to do with the fact that during the last year I've eaten meat maybe about 10 times, because I don't cook meat for myself. Or I dunno, maybe my body's telling me that I should be a vegetarian? Oh yeah, I decided to go brunette. I think it'll look better than this semi-blonde thing that I have now going on. Besides, for some reason my eyes look more blue when I have brown hair - a thing that I found out when I last dyed my hair in February. 'Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl', that book, wasn't as good as I thought it'd be, maybe mostly because I could hardly relate with the main heroine. Well, no wonder! After all, she's a hooker from Manhattan and I'm the chaste girl next door. And the book ended kinda.. abruptly? I would've wished for another kind of ending. Anyway, if you want to read accurate descriptions of sex scenes and want to know more about the life of a modern call girl, this book belongs to your to-read pile. It's actually a shame that the book wasn't better because the cover is just sooo pretty. I'm off to pack my clothes and make-up and other stuff that I'm going to take to Finland. Eee, only 17,5 hours 'til our departure!!
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